7年半。
人間って喜怒哀楽の塊ですよねー。
ホント、良いときは感情があってよかったなーって思いますし、その逆に上手くいってないときは、この感情なくなれば楽なのに、って思うもんです。
お笑い芸人ブラックマヨネーズの小杉さんが
「お前の感情どこいったんやねーん！！」
というフレーズを言って爆笑を取っていたことが頭によぎります。
あんな風に、自在に感情をどっかにやれたら、辛いときは心を無にして、嬉しいときは最大にオンにして。
そんなことが出来たらいいのになぁ、なんて。
この2ヶ月はそんな上がったり下がったりの感情に本当に左右された毎日でした。
まあ、ほとんど下がってたんですが・・・苦笑
公私共に苦しい時間を過ごしました。
その証拠にストレスで70kg超えまで増加しちゃった体重が、今度はその上をいくストレスで最大5.5kg落ちちゃう、という。
自分の人生で、こんなに体重が変動したことなんですよ。
今も決して何でもかんでも好転してるわけではありません。
でもその苦しんだ中でももがき続けて、ようやくいくつかが落ち着いてきました。
ブログを読み直せば一目瞭然ですが、ホントに落ち込んじゃあ自分を奮い立たせて。
精神的にも不安定で、ブログのコメントやメッセージ、ツイッターにも心配してくれた方からのコメントやメッセージをいただきました。
ホント嬉しかったですし、とっても支えになりました。
この場を借りて感謝申し上げます。
実は昨日7月29日は、オレがドイツに来て7年半という記念の日だったんです。
まあ、“半”だからそんなにって感じですが、それでも“29日”は毎月意識するようにしている日なのです。
2005年1月29日にドイツに飛び込んできて以来、“29日”は自分を振り返る日に位置付けているので。
だから過去7年半を振り返り、ここ2ヶ月を振り返り、自分がまた随分成長出来ていることを再確認出来たので、ここに記しているところです。
ある友人に言われました。
「30歳を超えて、まだなおそんなに明確に成長している人を見れて嬉しい」
と。
ありがたいことですね。
もう少しでまた1つ大きな目標を達成できそうです。
6年前くらいに掲げた大きな目標の1つです。
オレじゃなきゃ出来ないこと、それをやってやったという感じです。
こちらは近々発表出来そうなので、楽しみにしてください。
そしていよいよ本の方も明後日の8月1日に発売になります。
こちらも1年間かけて製作したものなのでね。
こちらも是非、少しでも多くの人に手にとって読んでもらいたいです。
目の前に壁が現れたら、それは成長しなさいという証拠。
これからも逃げずに立ち向かっていこうと思います。
最後に。
イケシオ、昨日カナダのペアに2-1で勝利、よくやった！！
背水の陣で頑張ってます。
みんな応援してるぞ。
「頑張るときはいつも今」
GENGO
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